What is Child Sexual Abuse?

Child sexual abuse is when another person sexualises a child, or uses a child for their sexual gratification. Abuse can involve both non-contact and contact acts.

All forms of child sexual abuse are a profound violation of the human rights of the child and a crime under law. The impacts of this crime are far-reaching for children, families, and communities as well as for spiritual growth and confidence in the fellowship.

In New Zealand, a person is considered to be a minor in the eyes of the law until 20 years of age, however only those under 18 are subject to child protection legislation.

Sexual abuse can be physical, verbal or emotional in nature. It can include non-contact and contact activities and can involve a range of behaviours including but not limited to:

• Forced or unwanted sex, both penetrative and non-penetrative.

• Forcing a child to strip or masturbate.

• Inappropriate touching of a child, whether clothed or unclothed.

• Engaging in any kind of sexual activity in front of a child, including watching pornography.

• Taking, downloading, viewing, or distributing sexual images of children.

• Possessing images of child sexual abuse.

• Encouraging a child to perform sexual acts in front of a webcam or any recording device.

• Encouraging a child to perform any sexual act for the gratification of another.

• Grooming a child (or their parent or carer).

• Grooming a child (or their parent or carer) refers to the way some offenders form relationships and build trust with children, parents, carers, teachers, and other children in order to get close to a child and create the opportunity for sexual abuse. It can be difficult to identify because the behaviour itself may not be abusive or sexual. Grooming can often occur online.

Keeping Kids Safe Online

Parenting Place (parenting place.nz)
Controls & Filters: Click here for a how-to guide for Parents

In an ideal world, our kids would use their own knowledge, self-control and digital skills to stay safe online. Actually, in an ideal world there wouldn't be so much dodgy content to avoid in the first place! However, kids often take risks, especially during their teen years. And with little regulation of content platforms in New Zealand, there’s a very high chance our children will be exposed to distressing and unhealthy content. As parents and caregivers, it’s our responsibility to ensure their online safety through robust conversations and practical measures. This is a comprehensive guide to help you navigate this process.

Global Hand Sign

The Global Hand Sign is a silent cry for help — a 3-step gesture that children around the world are using to signal they are being sexually abused and are not safe.

1️⃣ Open palm
2️⃣ Place thumb across palm
3️⃣ Close fingers into a fist

The more children and adults who understand this sign, the better we can protect and safeguard our young people.

Share this Global Hand Sign demonstration video far and wide:
Global Hand Sign for Under 16's

Find out more on the website:
Handing the Shame Back

Or click here to watch the interview with the Global Ambassador of this initiative: Detective Scott Beard

Grooming

In many cases of child sexual abuse, the abuse is preceded by sexual grooming. Grooming is a criminal offence in New Zealand.

Grooming is a process through which a perpetrator gradually gains the trust of a person, family, community or organisation with the intent of then perpetrating sexual abuse.

It is generally subtle and requires everyone to be vigilant around breaches of policy and code of conduct, as well as patterns of behaviour that cause concern.

Grooming behaviour may take a number of forms including:

• Building the child’s trust: Using presents, special attention, treats, spending time together and playing games with non-sexual physical contact.

• Favouritism: The offender treats the child as an adult; treating them differently and making them feel like a unique friend, making the child feel more special than others.

• Gaining the trust of the child’s parents or carer/s: Careful to be ‘seen’ as a close, caring and reliable relative or friend of the family.

• Isolation (from family, friends): To ensure secrecy and lessen chances of disclosure or belief. Intimidation and secrecy: The offender may use coercion e.g. threatening looks and body language, glares, stalking and rules of secrecy.

• ‘Testing the waters’ or boundary violation: ‘Innocent’ touching, gradually developing into ‘accidental’ sexual contact.

• Shaping the child’s perceptions: The child is often confused as to what is acceptable and can take on self-blame for the situation, as his/her viewpoint can become totally distorted.

Grooming may cause a child to:

• Think as though they have an important and special relationship with the person who is harming them;

• confusion over the nature of their relationship; internalise the abuse as their fault, feeling responsibility for any harm experienced, fearing they will be blamed, punished, or not believed;

• Fear that they will be separated from their family or home if they speak out; and/or believe that disclosure will cause harm to someone or something they love and care for, such as family members or pets.

How to Support a Person who has Experienced Sexual Harm

Maybe a person has disclosed their sexual harm to you? Either their own experience, a concern, or they just want to talk about the topic.

You can offer the best assistance by directing them to find the information and support they may need. It is important a professional helps them tell their story in a way that doesn’t retraumatise them.

What you can offer

Know your role
Your role is to affirm their experience and support them to find the resources they need. You’re not a therapist or investigator.

Empower
Present information, options and help find resources, but allow the person to make their own choices- even if that is not to act.

Be Led By Them
Trauma recovery and decision making take time. Respect their need for space. Progress doesn’t always move in a straight line or at a constant pace .

Respect confidentiality
Trust is vital, breaches of confidentiality can be devastating. Never share a person’s story without consent, unless there is a legal duty to report e.g. child abuse or risk of harm.

Trauma effects can be long lasting
Research the effects of trauma, so you have a little knowledge of what they may be experiencing.

Recognise distress
Stay calm and reassuring that this will pass.

Self Awareness and Self Care

Know your limits: check - are you emotionally and mentally ready to do this right now? It’s okay to step back if you aren’t. You can call safe to talk to clarify the next step for the person if you feel out of your depth.

If you feel helpless, just listen: It’s good to focus on listening before using spiritual statements e.g. The Lord will work it all out. This will avoid unintentionally minimising their experience with common one liners.

Be aware of your own triggers: If someone’s story touches a raw part within you, be honest with yourself. Seek support and guidance if you need it. You will also be modelling to the person you’re supporting that it is okay to ask for help.

Avoid dual roles/Conflicts of interest: It’s hard to stay objective when we are personally close to a situation. But we have duty to act in best interest of the person we are supporting.

Where Can I Find Information?

Safe to talk
A great site for information about sexual harm issues
ph: 0800 044 344 or txt 4334

Mental health foundation
Check out their resources page for information on what trauma looks like and other mental health issues.

What is trauma?
This website gives a summary of trauma, and how to support people experiencing it.
The following video is a great summary of trauma and its relating issues and how to support someone who has been traumatised.

Training Opportunities

Creating safer spaces for children starts with equipping ourselves. The more we understand the risks, signs, and the ways to respond to child sexual abuse, the more confident we become in protecting the vulnerable. Below are a few trusted training options available in New Zealand

Whāraurau
Whāraurau is the national centre for workforce for the infant, child, and adolescent mental health and alcohol and other addictions sector. Their work is evidence-based, and informed by national and international subject matter experts, including clinical, cultural and youth-lived experience.

Website: Whāraurau

Of particular relevance are:

• Trauma informed care for the children’s workforce

• Self care in trauma informed organisations

You will find a number of other training opportunities here

Sexual Abuse Support & Healing (SASH)
SASH is a Nelson/Tasman based non-profit, community organisation run by a group of trained and dedicated professionals. Supporting victims of sexual assault/rape.
Click here to see their Sexual Violence Awareness resources, covering topics such as:

• Sexual Abuse

• Sexual Assault Myths

• What to do when someone discloses sexual abuse

• What is consent

• How can you help prevent sexual violence

Grow
Website: grow.co.nz
GROW is the leading provider of Professional Development workshops for the Social Sector. They deliver online, face-to-face and on demand - the choice is yours.

They provide a free taster session on Managing Stress & Anxiety.
Click here for more information on this 1 hour online class

ECPAT Child Alert Trust (ECPAT NZ)
ECPAT NZ provides public and in-house training to governmental and non-governmental organisations, frontline professionals, and the general public on issues relating to the commercial sexual exploitation of children.
Website: ECPAT

They also have a number of downloadable resources such as:

Weaving together knowledge for wellbeing Trauma informed approaches
Recognising, understanding and responding to trauma in an informed way leads to positive outcomes for people and whānau in Aotearoa. What you do every day makes a difference.

Child Matters
Website: childmatters.org.nz
Child Matters has existed since 1994 – to upskill those working and interacting with children, young people and their families and whānau so they are able to identify risks concerning vulnerability and abuse and have the knowledge and confidence to take appropriate action. Child Matters is a registered Charitable Trust, and a Private Training Establishment.
They have a range of insights and training opportunities on offer.